You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
