So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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