You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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