call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
how drunk are you?
Several
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
