see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
