it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
