I'm so fucking centered right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
