Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
