I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
