just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
