found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
