Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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