oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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