We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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