coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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