My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize