5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
