I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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