btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
