I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
