Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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