Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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