dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
