I'm eating all of the evidence.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
