I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
