I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
