Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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