Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
