Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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