This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
