She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
