If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
