i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
