Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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