Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
