What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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