Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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