At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
