is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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