It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
