My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
