I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
