So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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