Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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