Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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