you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
