So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
