At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
