Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
