I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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