Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
