I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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