I hate your face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
