I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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