I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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