apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
