I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
