I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
