in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
