at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize