i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
