So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
