aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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