I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
someone owes me an orgasm
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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