Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
