I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
