grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is the high leading the old right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize