Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
