I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
