Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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