I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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