I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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