The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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