On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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