I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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