i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
